Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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