Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So. Much. Porn.
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