Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
