He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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