got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
