i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
