Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
