he shaved USA in his pubs
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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