Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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