She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
