While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
