all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
