There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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