I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
