The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
