If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
