The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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