Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
