I think I just saw someone hide a body.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
