TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
