I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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