That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
