This is not my ceiling
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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