so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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