Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
