i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I had to cum in my sink.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
