So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
