in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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