YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
