whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
