i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
