OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
