there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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