If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
