That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
