Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
