Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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