I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
