I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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