if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm really busy with my period
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