If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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