a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
