Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
