I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
