I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
