No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
