Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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