actually, I'm a sock model
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
