i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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