well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
