I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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